STORIES A HOUSE WOULD TELL

Today I sat quietly, listening to the little squeaks and tiny puffs of this house. There seem to be

very few floorboards that will not give you away when you are trying to tiptoe at night.

Old windows squeak as if they were complaining about their  having to constantly

battle the cold winter wind. Those old and very pretty doors seem to have a mind if their

own, too. Or is it visitors from the past who are silently opening doors when no one 

is looking? The odd occasion even had me wondering where a certain

little something - never seen before - came to stand in a certain place.

So today I spend some time listening. Listening very closely to the sounds around me,

listening to all those squeaks and shuffles...  Beyond all those everyday sounds I might hear 

the story this house has to tell. What if I could simply press my ear to those aged walls and 

I could sink into the depth of its history? All those memories, aged dreams and thoughts

these walls have been home to, just thinking about it makes my head spin.

Makes my head spin and my heat beat a little faster, wishing I could

hear that tiny voice a little louder, so I would get to know these stories.

Today will not be the last day I sat here quietly...

.............................

camera: nikon fm2n

film: kodak tri-x

© nicole sprekelmann

A BLACK SUNDAY OF WORRIES AND HOPE

A day that should not have been, 

a day that will forever stay in my mind as a black sunday.

Worries have turned blue skies into dark clouds today.

Today has been all about my mom,

the next weeks and month will be all about her.

It amazes me how one second can change everything. 

From a peaceful morning 

things can turn in the blink of an eye.

How everything feels so much more intense on those days.

a second might turn into hours, a breath will feel slow and 

suffocating instead of healthy and clean. Light that usually is soothing 

feels frightening today.

A prayer, that is what is needed I guess. 

But not even that I am up to. 

My head is empty of words, most of the day even 

empty of feelings. 

All I can feel is that this is too big for me to feel. 

I shuffle away in tiny little steps, well aware of my inner turmoil,

well aware that tomorrow 

I will have to find a better way to cope.

But today I allow myself to simply ignore any feeling. 

.............................

camera: nikon fm2n

film: kodak tri-x

© nicole sprekelmann

A MAD GIRL´S LOVE SONG

Another day, another ray of light, another melody in her head. There is this large empty room that

is filled with the clearest tunes softly reverberating inside the walls, inside her head,

inside her every cell. It stirs some tiny feeling inside, something that has long been forgotten.

For too long she hasn't allowed those feelings to raise to the surface. For too long she

has been trying to hide her emotions from the world, even from herself.

She decided that she would give her soul to the music and surrender. Beyond those walls there

would be a life waiting for her, a life that she would not be too intimidated to lead. If she could

only leave those doubts in this room. If she could find a note for every single of her

crazy thoughts she might have a chance ...

A chance to break free from all those boundaries in her heart, 

soaring and breaking free.  She realized she had to create space between them, 

to allow theirhearts to beat separately again, to break free. 

She prayed for faith, hopeful that one day she would be 

strong enough to just let go without doubt and regret. 

.............................

camera: nikon fm2n

film: kodak tri-x

© nicole sprekelmann

DARKNESS DESCENDING

I made it through January, the month of darkness and deep shadows. Now the days are 

slowly getting lighter and with them the feelings of coldness and endless winter darkness 

slowly lifts off my shoulders. Every day there is another hint that I will not have to wait 

much longer until spring will finally cast warm hues and hope.

.............................

camera: bronica sq-a

film: kodak portra 400

© nicole sprekelmann

Beyond words

I don't sleep well at all. There is something that keeps me awake at night, keeps haunting me when

I don't watch closely. I am watching the moon, trying to find some meaning, trying

to figure out what lays beyond all of these words. Words that are whispered in the dark of 

the night, words that end up as a line of sepia ink on creamy paper. Words that are 

listened to in some beautiful song, telling a story of a forty six year old.

Words that are being remembered from years ago, friends whispering little secrets that

would be kept forever. Words read over and over in an old love letter, no matter how 

alive they were then, they are still bound to fade one day. Words that tell of a saturday night

with a girl who danced the night away, never to be seen again. Words that were 

meant to hurt and will do so no matter what. Words that tell of fun times 

at the beach, sitting with your sweetheart, sitting around a fire and

listening to the soft whispers of the ocean. Words that will never

be remembered beyond the ocean. Words that are reserved

for just the two of you, words that give you a 

glimpse of hope and shelter. Some words are like songs and some are

like a knife, knowing that the bad ones will never be forgotten and the good 

ones will grow and grow. Some will stay with me forever, so deep,

so soft, so sincere and so true. Beyond.