THEN AND NOW

The last years have been intense, full of worries and this anxiety 

always present. Scared of what was to come. If the last years 

were filled with angst, 

the last months have been a living nightmare. 

Weekends spent driving to see you, trying to find words 

of hope and assurance, while at the same time 

being full of dread and panic myself. To much dread 

to even find words for it. How would I find the strength

to face a future without you? How could I ever cope without

my mom? 

And the dreaded day did come and now

I have to start facing a new truth. I will have

to find a way to cope without you.

Who will find the right words now – when all I 

want to do is talk to you? Who could possibly fill

the space you are leaving behind? 

Will this emptiness

stay forever? 

I hoped that in beautiful Italy I would heal some, would 

forget some and would find some hope. 

What I found in Venice 

was colours that made my heart beat, 

water that soothed my soul, 

sights that made me want more, 

scents that made me dream 

and people that made me smile.

On the outside I felt good, but on the inside I still felt numb, 

still only you on my mind. 

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camera: bronica sq-a

film: kodak portra 160

© nicole sprekelmann

A TRIP DOWN MEMORY LANE

This is a trip down memory lane, exactly the way I intended it to be.

The moment I step onto the small island I feel as if I am stepping back

into the past. I am my teenage self again, wandering the streets with 

my best friend. Two young girls full of mischief and laughter. 

We roamed these streets together like two stray cats, 

understanding each other blindly. 

I am sitting near Santa Maria della Salute, 

feet dangling in the water while I savor my figs. 

They will forever be the taste of Italy to me.

Remembering how we would live on ice-cream back then, 

tasting a new flavor with every cone we bought, 

grinning from ear to ear licking our  share of lampone,

limone and vaniglia.  

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camera: bronica sq-a

film: kodak portra 160

© nicole sprekelmann

STONE ON STONE

Stone on stone I am amazed.

Stones of pastel colours make my eyes glaze

over with happiness. I walk the labyrinth like 

streets, turn right, turn left and turn again, 

hands softly brushing along pastel coloured walls and

crumbling stones. 

Could a city be more beautiful?

Could a city be washed in softer colours?

Could a city be more romantic?

Wherever I turn I find myself walking down a street even prettier 

than the one before. Another bridge, another palace, 

another building another dome taking my breath away. 

My feet keep walking, taking me ever deeper into the heart of the

city, soft steps on grey stones, breathing in the salty air.

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camera: bronica sq-a

film: kodak portra 160

© nicole sprekelmann

FACADES OF VENICE

Never will I forget laying eyes on Venice for the first time.

Colourful facades soft as a powder puff would make me want to

touch every stone I walked by. 

Reflections would play with the sun and 

make me think of a thousand diamonds hidden in 

the canals, softly illuminating walls and faces.

Our 13 year old footsteps excitedly echoing the alleyways, 

turning left, turning right, finding new wonders in 

every direction. 

And now I am coming back, retracing those steps.

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camera: bronica sq-a

film: kodak portra 160

© nicole sprekelmann

STARE

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camera: bronica sq-a

film: kodak tri-x

© nicole sprekelmann

PAINFUL SILENCE

The silence between us seems to seep into every pore, crawling under my skin,

leaving me feel hurt and confused. I can only hear the voices inside my head,

remembering all those beautiful moments, getting lost on the roads to 

the past. A past that holds so many happy words and laughter. A past 

that knew no sadness. A past that is just that – past.

.............................

camera: bronica sq-a

film: kodak portra 160 nc, expired

© nicole sprekelmann

LOST AND CONFUSED

So what to do when the fog is slowly closing in on you?

You can feel it settling onto your skin, gripping you with it's

cold and wet fingers, giving you the shivers.

So what to do when the it is slowly closing in on you, 

blocking your view and making you stumble?

Trying to find your way through its dense little droplets.

So what to do when the fog is clouding your vision

and you don't know what is right and what is wrong,

Not knowing  which direction to turn, feeling all 

lost and confused.

What to do when all there is to see are those memories.

Memories and the fog. So what to do?

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camera: bronica sq-a

film: tri-x, expired

© nicole sprekelmann

IMAGINE

If you can imagine it,

you can archive it;

if you can dream it, 

you can become it.

William Arthur Ward

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camera: bronica sq-a

film: kodak portra 160 nc, expired

© nicole sprekelmann

ETERNITY

The old magnolia in my back garden has been giving shade for decades.

The first rays of spring sun start kissing my skin while I am sitting underneath

this old tree, that has seen so many springs. I am mesmerized

by the soft magentas and whites that dance around in the soft breeze. A slight scent

lingers, mixing with the scent of my morning coffee. I am looking up, into those 

countless leaves, willing my brain to take in this stunning picture in for eternity.

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camera: bronica sq-a

film: kodak portra 160 nc, expired

© nicole sprekelmann

LIKE LEAVES

Each has his past shut in him like leaves of a 

book known to him by his heart, 

and his friends can only read the title.

Virginia Woolf

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camera: bronica sq-a

film: kodak portra 160 nc

© nicole sprekelmann