A day of driving slowly brings me closer to you.
Closer to all those family memories that are linked
to these parts of the world.
For memories are all that there is now.
Memories – my new reality.
It is here in this small village near Salzburg that we all meet.
This is the place where everything merges, the place we are all linked
to so deeply. All my life this place has been more to me than
just a village. From earliest memories I can remember how enchanted
I used to feel here, that it felt as if I could hear some
kind of special music here.
But this time things are not so magical. This time there are not
the usual happy laughters on arrival. Instead of happy shrieks there is
this lingering silence, those lonely tears wept quietly. We can all
feel the heavy silence that is your memory. You are still here,
you are in everything around me. All those memories
sweep over me and make me smile. You are here in all that
I see. But I still miss you so much.
I can feel your presence here, in this place that you called home for so long.
This peaceful quiet lingers and seems to be with us wherever we go.
Everything feels so unreal, as if all this has never happened, as it I
would simply have to wake up from this dream and you would sit here
by my side, drinking a coffee. I can feel your presence so clearly
everything around me is closely linked to you.
All those happy days we spent here, all those memories that are linked
to this place. There seems to be a story in every stone, every street,
every sight I lay my eyes on. I let my mind wander as I slowly walk
the streets of Salzburg.
This is the shop that you bought me my first
ever dirndl, and over there I got my swimming goggles,
that I insisted should be worn with my new dirndl day and night.
Here you dried my tears from my first ever heart brake, over there
we used to sit to watch the yearly fireworks.
There is our favorite ice-cream shop,
lemon it would be every time.
There are the cobblestoned tiny streets of the old town that we would stroll along,
eating cheese sausages and drinking our almdudler, all talk and laughters.
It's the city of Mozart and Music, dressed up folks enjoying summer's Festspiele
all around town. And we would enjoy their dresses and the festive mood.
The dome was one of our favorite places to pass the time. Inside the amazing
church would make us speechless and outside we would watch the
horses draw their carriages.
The Salzach would change it's colour depending on the weather,
sunshine would make it glisten in soft pastel greens, storm would make
it look angry and grey, on rainy days it would take on these lazy
beige tones. And us? We spent forever and a day on the bridge, watching
the water, feeling the bridge vibrate and move with every step.
I remember all those sunny afternoons spent around Schloss Mirabell and the beautiful
gardens. Strolling around, smelling the roses and on hot days enjoying the shade
underneath the trees. There park would always be filled with music
and laughters. And we loved it, would while away the afternoons.
I will always love this city, nestling into the mountains, with the fortress guarding it.
I will always come back to this place whenever I need to feel close to you, I know that
you are here, with all our memories, this is our city. I can hear you whispering
whenever I sit on a bench facing the river. I will sense you walking beside me whenever
my feet hit the uneven stones. I know I only have to close my eyes and you
will be there by my side, but it's here, in this place that you called home that
I feel you more intensely. It is here that I feel as if you are just around
the corner.
This does not feel right, you not being there with us. It is strange to be here.
It was planned before you passed away and we thought it might help us all to
get used to the situation and try to handle it. We thought we might use this
possibility to say goodbye, to do this here, where you are present in
every stone, every detail around us.
It might sound romantic, but it is far from it. It is painful,
it is hurting so much. All I can think of is that you should be here with
us. This place is not the same without you. The music has stopped
playing when you stopped breathing.
.............................
camera: bronica sq-a
film: kodak tri-x
© nicole sprekelmann
