PAINFUL SILENCE

The silence between us seems to seep into every pore, crawling under my skin,

leaving me feel hurt and confused. I can only hear the voices inside my head,

remembering all those beautiful moments, getting lost on the roads to 

the past. A past that holds so many happy words and laughter. A past 

that knew no sadness. A past that is just that – past.

.............................

camera: bronica sq-a

film: kodak portra 160 nc, expired

© nicole sprekelmann

IMAGINE

If you can imagine it,

you can archive it;

if you can dream it, 

you can become it.

William Arthur Ward

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camera: bronica sq-a

film: kodak portra 160 nc, expired

© nicole sprekelmann

LIKE LEAVES

Each has his past shut in him like leaves of a 

book known to him by his heart, 

and his friends can only read the title.

Virginia Woolf

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camera: bronica sq-a

film: kodak portra 160 nc

© nicole sprekelmann

STORIES A HOUSE WOULD TELL

Today I sat quietly, listening to the little squeaks and tiny puffs of this house. There seem to be

very few floorboards that will not give you away when you are trying to tiptoe at night.

Old windows squeak as if they were complaining about their  having to constantly

battle the cold winter wind. Those old and very pretty doors seem to have a mind if their

own, too. Or is it visitors from the past who are silently opening doors when no one 

is looking? The odd occasion even had me wondering where a certain

little something - never seen before - came to stand in a certain place.

So today I spend some time listening. Listening very closely to the sounds around me,

listening to all those squeaks and shuffles...  Beyond all those everyday sounds I might hear 

the story this house has to tell. What if I could simply press my ear to those aged walls and 

I could sink into the depth of its history? All those memories, aged dreams and thoughts

these walls have been home to, just thinking about it makes my head spin.

Makes my head spin and my heat beat a little faster, wishing I could

hear that tiny voice a little louder, so I would get to know these stories.

Today will not be the last day I sat here quietly...

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camera: nikon fm2n

film: kodak tri-x

© nicole sprekelmann

A BLACK SUNDAY OF WORRIES AND HOPE

A day that should not have been, 

a day that will forever stay in my mind as a black sunday.

Worries have turned blue skies into dark clouds today.

Today has been all about my mom,

the next weeks and month will be all about her.

It amazes me how one second can change everything. 

From a peaceful morning 

things can turn in the blink of an eye.

How everything feels so much more intense on those days.

a second might turn into hours, a breath will feel slow and 

suffocating instead of healthy and clean. Light that usually is soothing 

feels frightening today.

A prayer, that is what is needed I guess. 

But not even that I am up to. 

My head is empty of words, most of the day even 

empty of feelings. 

All I can feel is that this is too big for me to feel. 

I shuffle away in tiny little steps, well aware of my inner turmoil,

well aware that tomorrow 

I will have to find a better way to cope.

But today I allow myself to simply ignore any feeling. 

.............................

camera: nikon fm2n

film: kodak tri-x

© nicole sprekelmann