51 DAYS

51 endless days

51 days of sadness

51 days of sweet memories

51 days missing you

51 days that I haven`t spoken to you

51 days and your voice is still filling my head

51 days trying to find a way to live

51 days of haunting thoughts

51 days of emptiness in my heart

51 days of feeling hopeless and alone

51 days of frozen blood in my veins

51 nights of bad dreams

51 nights feeling overwhelmed

51 nights feeling like a little child neeing its mom

51 nights remembering being tucked into bed

51 nights remembering your soft voice reading stories

51 nights wishing it wasn`t so

51 nights staring at the ceiling

51 nights wondering where one goes

.............................

camera: bronica sq-a

film: kodak portra 160 nc

© nicole sprekelmann

PAINFUL SILENCE

The silence between us seems to seep into every pore, crawling under my skin,

leaving me feel hurt and confused. I can only hear the voices inside my head,

remembering all those beautiful moments, getting lost on the roads to 

the past. A past that holds so many happy words and laughter. A past 

that knew no sadness. A past that is just that – past.

.............................

camera: bronica sq-a

film: kodak portra 160 nc, expired

© nicole sprekelmann

IMAGINE

If you can imagine it,

you can archive it;

if you can dream it, 

you can become it.

William Arthur Ward

.............................

camera: bronica sq-a

film: kodak portra 160 nc, expired

© nicole sprekelmann

ETERNITY

The old magnolia in my back garden has been giving shade for decades.

The first rays of spring sun start kissing my skin while I am sitting underneath

this old tree, that has seen so many springs. I am mesmerized

by the soft magentas and whites that dance around in the soft breeze. A slight scent

lingers, mixing with the scent of my morning coffee. I am looking up, into those 

countless leaves, willing my brain to take in this stunning picture in for eternity.

.............................

camera: bronica sq-a

film: kodak portra 160 nc, expired

© nicole sprekelmann

STORIES A HOUSE WOULD TELL

Today I sat quietly, listening to the little squeaks and tiny puffs of this house. There seem to be

very few floorboards that will not give you away when you are trying to tiptoe at night.

Old windows squeak as if they were complaining about their  having to constantly

battle the cold winter wind. Those old and very pretty doors seem to have a mind if their

own, too. Or is it visitors from the past who are silently opening doors when no one 

is looking? The odd occasion even had me wondering where a certain

little something - never seen before - came to stand in a certain place.

So today I spend some time listening. Listening very closely to the sounds around me,

listening to all those squeaks and shuffles...  Beyond all those everyday sounds I might hear 

the story this house has to tell. What if I could simply press my ear to those aged walls and 

I could sink into the depth of its history? All those memories, aged dreams and thoughts

these walls have been home to, just thinking about it makes my head spin.

Makes my head spin and my heat beat a little faster, wishing I could

hear that tiny voice a little louder, so I would get to know these stories.

Today will not be the last day I sat here quietly...

.............................

camera: nikon fm2n

film: kodak tri-x

© nicole sprekelmann

A MAD GIRL´S LOVE SONG

Another day, another ray of light, another melody in her head. There is this large empty room that

is filled with the clearest tunes softly reverberating inside the walls, inside her head,

inside her every cell. It stirs some tiny feeling inside, something that has long been forgotten.

For too long she hasn't allowed those feelings to raise to the surface. For too long she

has been trying to hide her emotions from the world, even from herself.

She decided that she would give her soul to the music and surrender. Beyond those walls there

would be a life waiting for her, a life that she would not be too intimidated to lead. If she could

only leave those doubts in this room. If she could find a note for every single of her

crazy thoughts she might have a chance ...

A chance to break free from all those boundaries in her heart, 

soaring and breaking free.  She realized she had to create space between them, 

to allow theirhearts to beat separately again, to break free. 

She prayed for faith, hopeful that one day she would be 

strong enough to just let go without doubt and regret. 

.............................

camera: nikon fm2n

film: kodak tri-x

© nicole sprekelmann